Erica Komisar's Unpopular Opinions on Modern Parenting

arenting today has shifted dramatically from past generations.

While many celebrate the increased focus on personal growth, career aspirations, and independence, psychoanalyst and parenting expert Erica Komisar argues that these cultural changes are making modern parenting more challenging—and, in some cases, detrimental to children’s well-being.

In a candid conversation with Steven Bartlett on The Diary of a CEO, Komisar shared her controversial views on the impact of isolation, the importance of extended family, and the cost of prioritizing personal passions over parenting.

A Self-Centered Society and Fragile Children

According to Komisar, we are raising children in an increasingly self-centered society, which has led to a generation of emotionally fragile youth.

“Young people are more fragile, they are more emotionally fragile. More of them have attachment disorders, they can't bear frustration, they can't bear pain, they can't bear sleeplessness.”

She points out that the idea of hiring a baby nurse because parents can’t handle sleepless nights has become normalized in certain socioeconomic circles, further distancing parents from their children's essential early needs.

The Isolation of Modern Parents

Traditionally, parents raised their children within extended family structures, where support was always available. Today, however, many parents—especially mothers—are raising children in complete isolation.

“Women and men always raised children in extended family circles. They weren’t isolated. Today, parents are very isolated.”

Komisar stresses that isolation makes parenting harder, leading many mothers to struggle with the emotional and physical demands of child-rearing alone.

In response to this growing issue, she founded a nonprofit organization called Attachment Circle, aimed at helping mothers combat the loneliness of raising children without familial support.

The Family Diaspora: Moving Away from Support Systems

One of Komisar’s most controversial claims is that many modern parents choose isolation by moving away from their families of origin.

“People will move away from their families of origin when they have children, which is very bizarre and anti-instinctual.”

She argues that while the world has become more globalized, it makes common sense for parents to live near extended family for support—unless the family is abusive. However, many people prioritize their careers and passions over staying close to their support networks, making parenting unnecessarily difficult.

Can Career Aspirations Justify Raising Children Away from Family?

A common justification for raising children away from extended family is the need to pursue career goals and passions. Komisar challenges this idea, stating that while a glamorous lifestyle may be appealing before having kids, the reality of parenting changes everything.

“What if they have passions? What if they have a career? The problem is, children do best in extended family situations.”

She explains that when parents, particularly mothers, are not physically and emotionally present in the early years, children suffer—and that suffering ultimately affects the parents as well.

“A parent is only as happy as their least happy child.”

No amount of success or independence, she argues, can compensate for the distress of seeing one’s child struggle due to a lack of early parental presence.

The Cost of Prioritizing Personal Freedom Over Parenting

Komisar’s perspective challenges the prevailing notion that parents can “have it all”—a thriving career, abundant personal freedom, and emotionally healthy children—without making sacrifices. She warns that placing personal aspirations above the needs of young children often leads to long-term consequences.

“All of that freedom and all that fabulous ‘me time’ comes at a cost if you have children.”

Her message is clear: while modern society promotes individualism, children still thrive best in environments where they receive consistent, nurturing, and present parenting—something that often requires proximity to family and a willingness to sacrifice certain personal freedoms.

A Hard Truth for Modern Parents

Erica Komisar’s views on parenting are undoubtedly unpopular in today’s world, where independence, career success, and personal fulfillment are highly valued. However, she challenges parents to reconsider the true cost of these priorities.

Are modern parents truly making the best choices for their children, or are they prioritizing their own desires at the expense of their kids’ emotional well-being?

As Komisar suggests, perhaps the best way forward is to rethink our parenting approach—emphasizing community, presence, and early attachment over career ambition and personal freedom.

‍