How To Share difficult news with your kids

y uncle has been diagnosed with cancer and most of the conversation in the house revolves around his diagnosis and treatment.
Adi has been hearing this conversation all day. Though it stressed me in the beginning and I wasn't comfortable sharing the news with him, I realized that it was easier when I shared everything with him.

He was curious about it, and he wanted to know about the treatment, etc. Children spend a lot of time with their families and they would want to know. He understands now and he can make sense of the conversations happening at home. 

I think it is better to share the news with them, as they would want to know and they would be more understanding. It would also help them learn about empathy and compassion at an early age.

At some point sharing bad news with kids will become unavoidable, for example, my uncle has been away for his treatment for 1 month now. I can't be lying to my son about his treatment plan. So, it is always better, to be honest with them and share everything with them.

In a research done by Donovan, Thompson, LeFebvre, and Tollison (2017) When teenagers found that their parents gave them more access to information and treated them more as peers, greater relational closeness was found in their relationship.

It can be difficult to know how to share tough news with kids, especially when it comes to illness and sickness. Here are a few tips to help make the conversation a little easier.

Being honest - It is important, to be honest with kids, but you don't need to go into too much detail. You can let them know what is happening and why, but there is no need to share every last detail.

When there is news that involves someone being sick at home or about an accident we tend to discuss that a lot in our homes, always asking the kid to leave the room will make them feel isolated. They are part of the house and they need to know what is happening.

Age-appropriate language -

When sharing tough news with kids, it is important to use language that they will understand. This will help make the conversation more manageable for them.

My son is 8 years old he understands everything we talk so it is not difficult for me to share the news but I observed that other parents with younger kids find it difficult, so they might want to avoid using technical terms or jargon.

Stick to the facts - 

‍When sharing uncompromising news with kids, it is important to stick to the facts. This will help prevent any confusion or misunderstanding.

If we start hiding the diagnosis from kids it is going to get tough for later when they find out, so it's better, to be honest from the start. Children are constantly hearing about diseases and sicknesses they want to know and understand, that way they feel involved.

Be prepared for questions - ‍

Kids will likely have many questions when you share tough news with them. Be prepared to answer these questions as best you can.

Adi is a very curious child and he wanted to know how cancer happens, what changes will happen to my uncle, how much time will it take for him to recover, and what is chemotherapy. I had to explain everything to him and we did some research together to know more about my uncle's diagnosis.

Allow time for processing -

 After sharing tough news with kids, it is important to allow them time to process the information. This may include talking about their feelings or asking more questions. Check-in later - After sharing tough news with kids, it is important to check in with them later. This will help ensure that they are doing OK and help you answer any more questions they may have.

Teach them to be sensitive with this topic- 

This is very sensitive, so it's important to teach kids to be respectful and sensitive when talking about it. We need to understand how others at home are feeling and how not to talk about it in front of them if they are not comfortable.

Sometimes Adi is very blunt with questions and people at home are very emotional so I have to sit with him and tell him how it's not good to ask certain questions in front of people.

Model good self-care-

When kids see their parents taking care of themselves, it sets a good example for them. This includes things like eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep. When we take care of ourselves, it helps us to be better equipped to deal with tough times.

Also, we need to find a balance in how much we talk about this topic at home, we don't want to make it the center of attention but we also don't want to sweep it under the rug.

Hug your kids and tell them you are always there for them - This is a tough time for everyone, so make sure to hug your kids and let them know that you are there for them. This can be a difficult thing to deal with, but you don't have to go through it alone.

Taking care of each other at home will kids understand the importance of family  and how we all have to go through the tough times together. Kids will know  that no matter what happens, we will always be there for each other.

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Keeping kids out of these conversations will make them feel like they are not a part of the family and that they are not supposed to know what is happening. So it's important to find a balance.

It is important to be honest with kids about sickness and illness, especially when it affects someone close to them. Kids are often more understanding than we give them credit for, and they can learn a lot about empathy and compassion from these experiences.

Remember, every child is different and will react in their way. Just take things one step at a time and be there for them when they need you.

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